What makes me a mom

In honour of my first mother's day I am taking part in my first blog carnival/blog blast , organized by Parent Bloggers and Light Iris. I have written this blog post about what makes me a mom. Enjoy!

When I was pregnant and I started getting bigger and bigger and rounder, I had moments of self- loathing (don’t we all) about my body and how it was changing and how enormous I felt. Of course hearing comments from people like “wow you’re getting huge!” didn’t help. As I was lamenting to my mother one day, she sent me an email with a link to an article about loving your pregnant body. From that moment on, I started to think a bit differently about what was going on inside me. I started to feel different, despite the water retention and the swollen ankles that made me unable to wear anything but flipflops all summer long. I think that’s the moment when I started to feel like a mother. It was no longer about me. What was important was not how enormous and unattractive I was feeling, but what was growing inside me. I started to think, what kind of mother would I be if I don’t love myself as this miracle is growing inside me?

As the months went on, I often thought about what kind of child I would raise. How would I teach him to be a good person? How would I teach him to be kind, and thoughtful and giving and caring and all the characteristics that I cherish about myself and my husband? When I asked another mother how you raise children to be good people, her answer was simple. Just be yourself. I think she couldn’t have been more right. There’s no rule book to follow (although sometimes we wish there was one), but to raise a good person, you need to be a good person. To teach a child to love himself, you need to love yourself too. It is my responsibility to love my son unconditionally, to care for him and his wellbeing, and to impress upon him all the values I cherish that will help him grow up to be a happy and thriving individual.

When Joel was born, I felt instant love. I cried as they took him out of my belly by cesarean (and they weren’t tears of regret at not having been able to experience labour- those were shed the day before). I was amazed that this tiny being came from me. He was part of me, and I was part of him. I really experienced that instant bond so many mothers talk about.

Each night before I go to bed, I go into Joel’s room and watch him sleep. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps. When I look at him, I sometime wonder what he will grow up to be like. Will he be an engineer like his dad? Will he love to cook like his mom? But really, it doesn’t matter to me what Joel is when he grows up, so long as he is happy.

I learned this from my own mother. Everything she did and continues to do for me is for the sole purpose of making me happy, even when it means putting my needs before her own. When I am happy, I know she is happy too. Now that I have a child of my own, I am doing the same thing for my son, and that is what I believe makes me a mother.